I have had so many conflicting emotions these past few weeks. First I am in denial that my baby is turning one tomorrow. It cant have already been a year.
Second I am sad. Having gone through all the stages of development before I am not looking forward to the terrible twos and such. I want my 9 month old baby who laughed and responded and loved me and didn't move. (lol)
I am also sad to leave the infant stage behind because I relished it with Rix.
I don't know if it is a first time Mom thing, or a twin Mom thing or a mixture of both, but with the girls I was so anxious for the next step in development. Sometimes it was because I was so overwhelmed I needed them to be more self sufficient or sometimes I was just ready for the next thing. Unfortunately the next step of development came and it was almost always oh so much harder.
It also could be that with Rix everything was so much more normal. He had a normal birth (the girls birth was very traumatic) He was a very needy baby for the first three months of his life but he was one needy baby and he grew into such a happy loving baby after those first three months. With the girls I went back to work at 3 months and worked 65+ hours a week so I missed all the fun stages. When I left my job they were one and my snugly babies were no more.
With Rix I got to have all the baby snuggles and the fun baby things that I missed with the girls.
He is also my last. So I wont ever get those fluttering breaths soft against my skin again, or that light caress on my arm with chubby little fingers that helps him fall asleep. The comfortable heaviness of a warm sleeping baby who snuggles perfectly in my arms. I will miss those things and more than likely forget how perfect they were.
So my little baby boy is turning one tomorrow and I am not ready.
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| Newborn baby Rix |
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| 7 Months! Christmas Day |
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