Released!

We were finally released on Monday( July 11th)

To be home with my little girls is so awesome.  in so many forms of the word.

Just waiting to be released! Emily is all relaxed while Ana is feeling a little out of her element.

Ana ready to come home.

Ana in the start of her going home outfit

Our little cow Ana!

Mom holding Ana without any wires in her own clothes for the first time!

Emily in the start of her going home outfit

Emily our little Monkey just stretching!

 

All dressed!

Better view of the little hat!

Home safe and sound  (actually this was a picture taken a few days later when we went to the doctor, but I didnt get a picture of them in their carseats on release day, so we are going to just have to pretend!

 

The drive home wore them out!  Here they are for the very first time in their own house with each other

Da holding his two little girls home at last

 

 

Goodnight all.  We are glad to be home!

 

 

Pediatric Unit

Here are some pictures of the rooms we stayed in here in the 5th floor.
This place was actually amazing.  It makes me sad to know that most of the time it is used for little children that have terminal illnesses, or the like.  I am so blessed to know that when my little ones were released they will grow and develop and hopefully live a full life. 
Each room had its own little bathroom with a shower (thank goodness...I was getting pretty stinky after a few days!)
They also rolled me in a hospital bed since I had just gone through major surgery.  That I once again felt so blessed to be able to stay in the hospital in a bed that made me much more comfortable instead of having to go home and leave my little ones by themselves.

Even with being in the hospital surrounded by nurses and doctors, I have to admit I felt so very alone.  Two little babies who were hooked up to all sorts of monitors.  These monitors went off all the time because something was not within the normal range.  So what would always seem to happen was I would just get to sleep and one of the monitors would beep.  I would wake up freaking out that something bad was happening, and within a few seconds whatever it was would right itself and the beeping would stop.  augh!  This was so terrible.  There were a few times where the beeping didnt stop, and the nurse had to come in and do something such as change the iv bag, or turn up the heat in the isolette, or something.  But there was not ever a time where it turned out to be something that was wrong with one of the girls that didnt right itself quickly.  It still made my heart race and my nerves get frayed each time it happened.
They had to do a car seat test on each of the girls before they could release them.  This was to ensure that they would not have respitory failure on the way home because of the position they were in.  So the first one to go throught this was Emily.  they put her in her car seat and then put her in what I refer to as the jail.  This was awful!  So they put them in the car seat for double the time it took you to get home and kept them hooked up to monitors to check to see if everything was in the clear. She passed with flying colors, but looked so uncomfortable in that car seat that I just wanted to get her out!  But I left her in there for the hour that it took.  She passed and said they were going to go get the doctor to write up the release papers.  The nurse came in and started to unhook all the monitors and I had to get her dressed in her own clothes!  Not borrowed ones.  By this time even though the monitors drove me crazy, I had gotten used to looking at the monitors to reasure myself that everything was alright.  Now Emily was in my care, and I had nothing telling me that she was ok.  No monitors telling me that she was still breathing, that her heart was still beating, that she was warm enough...ect.  I.was.terrified.  I knew that she was going to have something go wrong.  They teach you all these things in the hospital when you have preemie babies and I just knew that I was going to do something wrong and I was going to loose one of my precious babies. 
I emotianally lost it that night.  They released Emily and Ben had to go home to take care of some things, so I was by myself.  As Ben was getting ready to leave, and we were signing the release papers for Emily, I started to cry.  I was trying so hard to hold it together but I just couldn't.  I cried for all the guilt that I felt, I cried for the fear that I felt, I cried for so many things.  Ben was starting to freak out since he had not ever seen me cry.  He was feeling really bad, but he had to go.  What he was going home for couldnt wait.  I cried all night. 
This was the night that they had to move me since they were expecting to have a blood drive the next day in the large room that we were occupying.  So here I was alone.  Having to now be fully responsible for Emily.  The nurses could not help me with her since she was released.  So I was crying and trying to take care of Emily and Ana and having to get together all my stuff to move rooms at 3am. 
I did not sleep at all that night.  Which I am pretty sure made my crying worse.  The nurses were great, and they were being very kind to me that night :)  In fact when Ben came back the next day, it was afternoon, and I still had not fully gotten myself put back together.  The nurse stopped him and told him that I had had a really rough night! I dont know how we do it sometimes!
On a normal night the girls ate every 4 hours, but I was pumping every three, so I seriously got about 45 minutes  of sleep between each feeding.  It was rough!  Plus that, we had to check so many things since they were preemies.  We had to check their temperature at each feeding, and we had to pretty much force them to eat whatever they had stipulated for that night.  This was the hard part.  You felt so bad that you were pretty much forcing food down these poor tiny little babies who would not want that last little bit, but you knew that if they didnt eat it, they wouldnt gain weight and then they would not get out of the hospital sooner.  I had to call the nurse in quite a few times because I couldnt get one of the babies to drink all that was alloted.   Then these girls took forever to burp!  You would sit there for sometimes 30 minutes just trying to get them to burp because there was no way you were putting them back to bed to spit up what you had just forced down them!  Needless to say, feeding time was an ordeal!  I loved these little girls, but it was so hard to only be able to hold them when you were forcing milk down them and trying to get them to burp.  There did not seem to be any joy in holding them.  Then you had to put them down to sleep so that they could relax and grow! 

Mom and Dad came on Saturday to help us with the girls and we had been told that they should be released by then.  Emily was actually released on the 7th so she was staying in a little crib by my bed while Ana was still in the isolete. I think the hardest part was the unknown of when we would get out.  They would tell us that we should expect to be released on Thursday, then Ana had weight loss.  So they changed it to Saturday.  Then they changed it to Monday.
So my parents wanted to come once they were released to be able to help us at home.  But we didnt know when to expect that.  so they came in on Saturday afternoon. Mom stayed with me that night and helped with the girls.  Then they wanted to go visit my Uncle who had brain cancer and was not doing so well.  So they drove to Vancouver to visit him and his family. Coming back on Sunday night late.  We got released Monday afternoon. 

 

They had a under the sea motif and each room had bright colors and little fish mosaics on the walls and floors.
They moved us three times based on the girls need.  The first was just temporary until they got the room that they wanted us in ready.  The room they had us in first was the main room that they did events and such things like blood drives, but it was right by the nurses station and since they had just upgraded us from the NICU they wanted us close to the nurses station. 
They actually had run out of room in the NICU the weekend the girls were born.  There were 6 sets of twins, and the baby that got us kicked out was a baby born at 27 weeks who needed the constant nurses care much more than my girls did.  So they moved them out of the NICU a little faster than they wanted, but they were full to capacity and my girls were the least critical. 

The had a family room which had a kitchen, a big screen tv with a dvd player, a washer and dryer and a play area.  in the "reception" area, they had a huge fish tank and tons of waiting areas.  They had a pretty big playroom on one end inside the actual wing.  They had a "refreshment area" for the "guests" of the hospital with all sorts of things from apple juice to Popsicles.  hot chocolate and coffee and bottled water.  Also food for little ones. 

When we left, they provided us with 4 cases of premixed formula and 4 cases of powdered formula (all the high calorie kind for the girls...which is super expensive)
With the promise that if we sent in a card they would send us another 2 cases.  It was quite a while before we had to buy formula especially since I breastfed the girls until they were 10 months old.  Most of what we used up to that point had been to supplement my milk with high calorie stuff.  (apparently I needed to eat butter and lard, but just couldn't do it, so instead put a teaspoon of high calorie formula in bottles of breast milk)

Needless to say, even though the time I spent in the hospital has been so stressful and I have been distraught many times, the blessings we have had have been so numerous. 

My digs.  They asked that if you brought your own pillow that you put it in a bright case so they would know not to launder it with the others.  And anyone who knows me knows that I have a problem with pillows that are not my own.  So I had to bring mine for the hospital stay! 

The girls digs.  Once Emily was released they actually brought in an isolette for Ana

Chillin under the Bili lights Emily on left Ana on right (notice the A and B above them)



Ana in her Isolette once Emily was released

The car seat test

 

Emily in her crib.  Released to my care.  She still could not regulate her own temperature very well, hence all the layers.

Ana having kangaroo time with Ben.  Ana just LOVED her Da and anytime he would hold her close like this skin to skin she would settle right down and sleep.  Sometimes Ben would sleep too!  Seriously how much would this make you love your husband!

Emily in new digs from Grandma and Grandpa Ricks  This was a newborn outfit.  These girls were so small.

Da holding Ana agian.  This shows a little better how extreamly small she was.

Grandma Ricks holding Emily

A picture that shows little Emilys face better

Da changing Ana's diaper.  She was so very tiny. Look at those little legs and arms. 
 

NICU to Pediatric Unit

The girls got let out of the NICU after only 2 nights and a day and a half!  We got to see the fireworks tonight from the 5th level of the Hospital with a window in our huge room.  The girls are both under the Bili lights to prevent jaundice. 
I feel so fortunate that we are blessed with healthy girls.  So glad to be out of the NICU.
I am sure that every time I see fireworks, I will be reminded of this special day.
To be able to be next to my husband with our girls sleeping just across the room is incredibly special.

The Story of my Girls Birth

The story of how my girls came into this world.
On Thursday June 30th, I had a regular OB appointment scheduled with one of the doctors in the practice since mine was on Vacation. I went in as normal, got my BP taken, my weight, and gave a urine sample. I did have a shock when I stepped on the scale, as I had gained 10 pounds since my last appointment 2 weeks prior. I had been hovering right around 165 for 5 weeks, and then BAM I stepped on the scale and it said 174. I was taken a bit by surprise.
So after all these little prelims they do at every appointment, I went into the room to wait for the doctor. When the doctor came in, he checked my cervix and said it was still dialated to a 1, and my cervix was very thin. But, he also said that with the 10lb weight gain, and I had protein in my urine sample, he wanted me to do a 24 hour urine test. He wanted me to start it Friday morning, and take it into the hospital lab on Saturday morning, as well as go to Labor and Delivery to have a non-stress test, and my BP taken. He also said to be prepared and take my hospital bag packed. I have had so many docs tell me this in the past 5 weeks that I was thinking ya right, once again.
So I start in with the 24 hour test, and Saturday morning Ben and I head to the hospital to give it to the lab there. (with our hospital bag packed). We drop off the samples in the lab, get some blood drawn, and then head up to labor and delivery to have the NST done. We actually had to wait for a bit in the waiting room because they were so busy in L&D that day.
We finally got into a room, and got hooked up to the monitors and got the test started. Got my blood pressure taken which was elevated higher than it had ever been (I have had very low BP throughout the pregnancy) so it was still under the “high” range, but for my history it was quite high. They kept taking it every 20 minutes or so, and it kept getting higher and higher. A few hours later the nurse came in and said that they wanted us to get an ultrasound to check the growth of the babies. So we headed down to the room to get the ultrasound and asked the tech what the estimated weight of the babies was. She said they were measuring 3.14 and 3.15. When she said this my heart sank. On the last ultrasound which had been weeks earlier they had been 3.2 and 3.8. They had hardly grown any. So we go back upstairs, and get hooked back up to the monitors and wait to see the doctor about the tests results, and the ultrasound.
It got to be about noon, and I was absolutely starving, so I had Ben go ask a nurse if we could get something to eat. She said she would ask the doctor. So a while later she came in and said the doctor said it was ok to go ahead and eat lunch. So Ben went and got some Burger King (since it was right around the corner). About 2 hours after we had eaten lunch the doctor finally came in to talk to us.
He said we had failed the 24 hour test that it had high amounts of protein in it, my blood pressure was quite high for me, and actually getting in the high range for normal BP. That I had pre eclampsia, and the because of this, the babies had stopped growing in my womb. That we needed to get them out today and since they were both breech they were going to have to do a c/section. He then said that he and the nurse had a miscommunication, and that we really should not have eaten lunch but that since we did, I now needed to not eat or drink anything until the surgery which they were planning to be at 7:30pm that day. It was about 3pm. So I went from worrying about why my girls had not grown to knowing the exact time I was going to give birth, and I had 4 hours to mentally prepare myself. Not only for major surgery, but to maybe have babies who were not ready to be born, and would need support to breathe, and eat, and just be alive. I was terrified. I could not believe that my body would fail my little babies in such a way. Not to mention the risks that not giving birth posed for me.
I knew I needed to have the babies that day, for their health and mine. My body could no longer provide them with the safe haven they needed. I do not believe I have ever felt fear quite so acute before in my life. Fear for my life, and fear for the two little girls I had tried so hard to keep growing inside me over the past 5 weeks. And fear for how developed and small my girls would be. Fear of how long they would need to be in the NICU.
Ben called a few people, and I emailed my family letting them know that we were going to have the babies later that evening. Some of our good friends from our church came right away to the hospital and prayed with us that everything would go smoothly, and just stayed and gave us support for a little while.
Then all the preparations started. I got prepped for surgery, Ben got his scrubs, and we got all the information on risks, and what would be happening during the surgery. That there would be 3 people in the room for each baby, and 3 in the room for me. The anesthesiologist came in and told me what he would be doing to give me the spinal block, and then the nurse came in to get me all ready. Then off to the small metal room we went. Ben had to stay outside of the OR for a few minutes while they got me ready for surgery and got the spinal block in place, and got me laid down. This period of time was very odd for me as I was being handled by many nurses and doctors being told what to expect, and exactly what to do. They got me all ready and called Ben in to join us. Then the surgery began. The anesthesiologist was right there by my head letting me know everything that was going on, and a few minutes later my first little girl joined us. I heard her cry and felt my heart swell. Ben took a picture and then I looked at him as I saw the pride and love for that little girl completely take over his face. My love for him at that moment was overwhelming. Then I heard the doctors say that the next little girl was coming. Then one of the doctors said “oh..she is really small”. My heart dropped. Also at that moment when he pulled her out, I took first deep breath of air in months. Ben was walking back and forth between the babies and checking on me, all I could see at that point was the proud father and how proud he was of his girls. Being as I was closed off to seeing anything since I was laying down with a drape up, the anesthesiologist told me that if I moved the drape just a bit I could see one of my girls. It was Emily that I could see, and my heart sank again because the nurse kept having to get her to wake up to breathe. And then give her the little baby breathing pumper to get her to breathe. All I knew was that the baby I could see was not breathing well, and the other one was very small. It was all
I could do to not completely freak out.
Then the nurses came over to me with my girls all swaddled and let me see them before they whisked them away to the NICU. Ben left with the girls, and I was sewn up and transported to the recovery room. This is where I remember very little. I remember that the nurses were pushing on my uterus, and kneading it because I was hemorrhaging, and asking someone to go order blood in case I needed a transfusion. They continued to do this for a while, then were satisfied that they had gotten it stopped and let me be. They came in and checked on me it seemed like every 10 minutes. Ben ordered some dinner, and I asked if I could eat anything. They said that I could but to keep it light. So I ordered some jello, and cottage cheese and fruit. I ate a little bit of all of it, and then needed to go to sleep. So I lay down to sleep and started shaking uncontrollably. The nurse kept trying to get my BP, but could not because I was shaking so badly. Then I started to itch. The nurse asked if I wanted anything to stop the itching, and I told her no.. As I knew I wanted to breastfeed my babies as soon as I could. Then a little bit later, I woke up and knew I was going to throw up. I woke Ben up and told him he needed to get one of those little vomit bags by the door RIGHT NOW. He jumped up, and gave it to me, and everything I had eaten a little bit before all came up. I knew the nurses probably wanted to make sure it was just food, so I told him to hit the nurses’ button. She came in and asked if I wanted something for the nausea. And I said no, but that I would take something for the itching…it was unbearable. Then she came in later after that started working, and I asked if there was something to help with the shaking. She said there was, so she gave me that too. Then I was able to sleep some. They still kept coming in and asking if I could move my toes. Each time I could move a little further down my leg. Then finally at 3am, I could move my toes. They asked if I wanted to go see my babies, and I said yes please. They told me that I needed to be able to get up out of bed and walk to the wheel chair or I could not see them. I said ok…so I got up slowly, and walked to the wheelchair. Ben had put in some earplugs so he could sleep with all the nurses’ distractions, and had not woken up during this. They asked if I was ready to go, and I told them to please wake up my husband. I would like him to be there the first time I get to really see my girls. So they woke him up, and he and I went down to the NICU to see Ana and Emily. When I got in there, the girls were all the way on opposite sides of the room. I went to see Emily first, and she was no longer on oxygen and was so darling. I was in love. I did feel so terrible seeing wires and IV’s all over the place, and once again felt the overwhelming sense of failure that I could not have kept her in my womb so she did not have to have all the mess she was in now. I then went and saw Ana, and she was so very small and she also had all the wires and IV as well. Seeing her once again sparked my guilt again. I was having so many feelings it was all a bit overwhelming. Overwhelming love, and fear for my babies along with the guilt.
Then I went back to my room, and continued to visit the girls every 3 hours to be able to try to nurse. Then I found out that they were going to let the girls out of the NICU and move them up into a private room in Pediatrics. They also discharged me early so I could go up and be with the girls. 

They are here

The pictures of the girls birth

Dr with Emily

Dr with Ana

Nurses working on Emily

Emily finally screaming

Ana just born

Mom kissing Emily for the first time

Seeing Ana for the first time

Emily

Emily

Emily

Ana

Ana

Ana

Mom holding her own child for the first time. (Ana)

Dad and Emily

Ana

Emily

The awesomeness of Drugs

Ok, so this is a sarcastic post...It is 4:30 in the am, and I have yet to get any sleep. I am tired, miserable, and very irritable.
I have never been a person who had trouble sleeping consistently, and I would never be up all night just trying. I have tried every room in the house (except the babies room) to find a place where I can sleep. I have tried the couch, the lazyboy part of the couch, the futon, the spare bed with my maternity pillows, my own bed with all my other pillows, and have made the rounds twice tonight. No sleep.

Other than being extremely pregnant and miserable anyway the drugs I am on have these cool side effects.
- insomnia
- flushing
- heartburn (BAD!!!)
- rapid heart rate
- difficulty breathing
- constipation
- increase in frequency of urination.

Hmm...The deck is stacked against me here. Not only do I have most of these things just by being pregnant, now I get extra for just trying to keep these babies in for a few more weeks. (by way of procardia)And all of them are stopping me from sleeping.

I asked Ben earlier this evening if he thought there was ever a woman not in labor that went into the hospital screaming at everyone that she needed to get her baby out! Labor or not the baby needed to be delivered that day!!!

Because I think I am getting closer and closer to doing that!
I know that most every woman I know has been to this point, I just wish that with twins I did not have to get here 4 weeks ahead of the curve. Thinking about 4 more weeks of this is about enough to make me lose my mind.
And more than anything...I wish I could breathe. There is nothing like not being able to breathe.

From strict to modified back to strict

This has been a roller coaster! On Wednesday I was having pretty painful contractions, but I had been for the past few evenings, so we decided to just rough it out, and until I had another symptom I was just going to go to bed. This evening the contractions were pretty painful, but still far enough apart that I was ok with just going to bed. So I went to bed, and could not sleep. By this time I was cramping too, and my back started hurting more than it has in weeks, and just killed when I would have a contraction. So I got up and thought to myself I was just focusing on the pain laying in bed, and I needed to do something to distract myself so I got up and picked up a book I had been reading and started to read. It was working somewhat, but then the restless leg syndrome then took over. I could not stand it. So I got back up started a very warm bath of 4 inches of water (just for my legs) and got in for a few minutes rubbed my legs down with some oil and lavender to relax. I also rubbed some on my belly to help with the itchiness there too. I got out, was relaxed, the contractions weren't so bad, my legs were not restless too bad anymore, so off to bed I went. I was very tired, and fell asleep. But I kept waking up with painful contractions, but each time I was able to go back to sleep. Then about well gotta be honest I don't know what time it was. I think around 3? I woke up in pain contracting, when the contraction went away, the cramps came back, and the back pain. It had also gotten to the point where I was sure I was going to vomit.
So...I laid there for a little while longer just not moving hoping that it had just been a bad contraction and that I would relax again. (and I didn't want to move too much not knowing if I would make it to the toilet in time to throw up in my current slow moving position!)
It did not get better, in fact just kept getting worse. The contractions had started to be about 4 minutes apart, so once again off to Labor and Delivery we went.
My doctor happened to be the doctor on call. Last time we went in we got a shot of morphine and it stopped the contractions dead in their tracks. So they tried that first this time since nothing else seemed to work the last time.
That morphine did not work to stop them this time, and you will have to forgive me at this point in the story I was a little drugged and am not sure I remember it all...
The nurse had done a cervical exam and said I was dilated to a 1cm, the doc came in not too long after that and did a cervical exam of his own and said I was dilated to a 1, and 80% effaced. With a show of blood (sorry TMI...)
So that is when I told him I did not want mag again. He had them admit me and start me on pain meds, and a fluids IV. I got moved to another room, and by this time it was morning (This room had a window) and I could see light coming in.
At this point I really have a foggy memory, but I know the doc came back in told my husband to go home that there was nothing for him to do but wait around and not get any sleep. And that I would probably be in the hospital for at least 4 days.
So Ben waited until I was situated and then went home to grab a few hours of shut eye.
The rest of the hospital stay was kind of a blur as well. I am not sure if it was the pain meds (probably not I don't think they were that strong) or if I was just really tired from not getting any sleep.
But I knew that my doctor was leaving on vacation on the weekend, and was going to stop by and see me hopefully on his lunch hour to see where I was with all of this.
He came by about 2, did another cervical exam, and I had not dialated anymore, and my cervix was the same, so he said they could discharge me. Told me he really thought I was going to have these babies this time, but that I had a cervix of steel and that it was not giving up without a fight! That my uterus wanted them out, but that my cervix was fighting back. He asked if I had an appointment with one of the other doctors in the office this next week which I do, and said good keep that appointment and I hope that you do not have these kiddos while I am gone!
He also said that the modified bed rest that I was on last week may have been too modified and he wanted me to strict en it up some. So I am now on "strict" bedrest with visits to the bathroom allowed (shower and tub included in moderation) and that I could get up to refill my water and get my pills and a sandwich that had already been made out of the fridge, but that almost all my day needed to be spent in "rest" So not that I really even did anything last week, but even those small steps like make my own sandwich have been revoked!

Good News...I have made it to the golden week of 34!!!! That was our ultimate goal after 28. So while I would love these babies to come out more around 37 weeks (ok...have to modify that statement a bit..I am miserable, and I want these babies out, but I also want no NICU stay...so...) While I would love to keep these babies in until week 37, I am soooo glad I have made it to 34.