The Story of my Girls Birth

The story of how my girls came into this world.
On Thursday June 30th, I had a regular OB appointment scheduled with one of the doctors in the practice since mine was on Vacation. I went in as normal, got my BP taken, my weight, and gave a urine sample. I did have a shock when I stepped on the scale, as I had gained 10 pounds since my last appointment 2 weeks prior. I had been hovering right around 165 for 5 weeks, and then BAM I stepped on the scale and it said 174. I was taken a bit by surprise.
So after all these little prelims they do at every appointment, I went into the room to wait for the doctor. When the doctor came in, he checked my cervix and said it was still dialated to a 1, and my cervix was very thin. But, he also said that with the 10lb weight gain, and I had protein in my urine sample, he wanted me to do a 24 hour urine test. He wanted me to start it Friday morning, and take it into the hospital lab on Saturday morning, as well as go to Labor and Delivery to have a non-stress test, and my BP taken. He also said to be prepared and take my hospital bag packed. I have had so many docs tell me this in the past 5 weeks that I was thinking ya right, once again.
So I start in with the 24 hour test, and Saturday morning Ben and I head to the hospital to give it to the lab there. (with our hospital bag packed). We drop off the samples in the lab, get some blood drawn, and then head up to labor and delivery to have the NST done. We actually had to wait for a bit in the waiting room because they were so busy in L&D that day.
We finally got into a room, and got hooked up to the monitors and got the test started. Got my blood pressure taken which was elevated higher than it had ever been (I have had very low BP throughout the pregnancy) so it was still under the “high” range, but for my history it was quite high. They kept taking it every 20 minutes or so, and it kept getting higher and higher. A few hours later the nurse came in and said that they wanted us to get an ultrasound to check the growth of the babies. So we headed down to the room to get the ultrasound and asked the tech what the estimated weight of the babies was. She said they were measuring 3.14 and 3.15. When she said this my heart sank. On the last ultrasound which had been weeks earlier they had been 3.2 and 3.8. They had hardly grown any. So we go back upstairs, and get hooked back up to the monitors and wait to see the doctor about the tests results, and the ultrasound.
It got to be about noon, and I was absolutely starving, so I had Ben go ask a nurse if we could get something to eat. She said she would ask the doctor. So a while later she came in and said the doctor said it was ok to go ahead and eat lunch. So Ben went and got some Burger King (since it was right around the corner). About 2 hours after we had eaten lunch the doctor finally came in to talk to us.
He said we had failed the 24 hour test that it had high amounts of protein in it, my blood pressure was quite high for me, and actually getting in the high range for normal BP. That I had pre eclampsia, and the because of this, the babies had stopped growing in my womb. That we needed to get them out today and since they were both breech they were going to have to do a c/section. He then said that he and the nurse had a miscommunication, and that we really should not have eaten lunch but that since we did, I now needed to not eat or drink anything until the surgery which they were planning to be at 7:30pm that day. It was about 3pm. So I went from worrying about why my girls had not grown to knowing the exact time I was going to give birth, and I had 4 hours to mentally prepare myself. Not only for major surgery, but to maybe have babies who were not ready to be born, and would need support to breathe, and eat, and just be alive. I was terrified. I could not believe that my body would fail my little babies in such a way. Not to mention the risks that not giving birth posed for me.
I knew I needed to have the babies that day, for their health and mine. My body could no longer provide them with the safe haven they needed. I do not believe I have ever felt fear quite so acute before in my life. Fear for my life, and fear for the two little girls I had tried so hard to keep growing inside me over the past 5 weeks. And fear for how developed and small my girls would be. Fear of how long they would need to be in the NICU.
Ben called a few people, and I emailed my family letting them know that we were going to have the babies later that evening. Some of our good friends from our church came right away to the hospital and prayed with us that everything would go smoothly, and just stayed and gave us support for a little while.
Then all the preparations started. I got prepped for surgery, Ben got his scrubs, and we got all the information on risks, and what would be happening during the surgery. That there would be 3 people in the room for each baby, and 3 in the room for me. The anesthesiologist came in and told me what he would be doing to give me the spinal block, and then the nurse came in to get me all ready. Then off to the small metal room we went. Ben had to stay outside of the OR for a few minutes while they got me ready for surgery and got the spinal block in place, and got me laid down. This period of time was very odd for me as I was being handled by many nurses and doctors being told what to expect, and exactly what to do. They got me all ready and called Ben in to join us. Then the surgery began. The anesthesiologist was right there by my head letting me know everything that was going on, and a few minutes later my first little girl joined us. I heard her cry and felt my heart swell. Ben took a picture and then I looked at him as I saw the pride and love for that little girl completely take over his face. My love for him at that moment was overwhelming. Then I heard the doctors say that the next little girl was coming. Then one of the doctors said “oh..she is really small”. My heart dropped. Also at that moment when he pulled her out, I took first deep breath of air in months. Ben was walking back and forth between the babies and checking on me, all I could see at that point was the proud father and how proud he was of his girls. Being as I was closed off to seeing anything since I was laying down with a drape up, the anesthesiologist told me that if I moved the drape just a bit I could see one of my girls. It was Emily that I could see, and my heart sank again because the nurse kept having to get her to wake up to breathe. And then give her the little baby breathing pumper to get her to breathe. All I knew was that the baby I could see was not breathing well, and the other one was very small. It was all
I could do to not completely freak out.
Then the nurses came over to me with my girls all swaddled and let me see them before they whisked them away to the NICU. Ben left with the girls, and I was sewn up and transported to the recovery room. This is where I remember very little. I remember that the nurses were pushing on my uterus, and kneading it because I was hemorrhaging, and asking someone to go order blood in case I needed a transfusion. They continued to do this for a while, then were satisfied that they had gotten it stopped and let me be. They came in and checked on me it seemed like every 10 minutes. Ben ordered some dinner, and I asked if I could eat anything. They said that I could but to keep it light. So I ordered some jello, and cottage cheese and fruit. I ate a little bit of all of it, and then needed to go to sleep. So I lay down to sleep and started shaking uncontrollably. The nurse kept trying to get my BP, but could not because I was shaking so badly. Then I started to itch. The nurse asked if I wanted anything to stop the itching, and I told her no.. As I knew I wanted to breastfeed my babies as soon as I could. Then a little bit later, I woke up and knew I was going to throw up. I woke Ben up and told him he needed to get one of those little vomit bags by the door RIGHT NOW. He jumped up, and gave it to me, and everything I had eaten a little bit before all came up. I knew the nurses probably wanted to make sure it was just food, so I told him to hit the nurses’ button. She came in and asked if I wanted something for the nausea. And I said no, but that I would take something for the itching…it was unbearable. Then she came in later after that started working, and I asked if there was something to help with the shaking. She said there was, so she gave me that too. Then I was able to sleep some. They still kept coming in and asking if I could move my toes. Each time I could move a little further down my leg. Then finally at 3am, I could move my toes. They asked if I wanted to go see my babies, and I said yes please. They told me that I needed to be able to get up out of bed and walk to the wheel chair or I could not see them. I said ok…so I got up slowly, and walked to the wheelchair. Ben had put in some earplugs so he could sleep with all the nurses’ distractions, and had not woken up during this. They asked if I was ready to go, and I told them to please wake up my husband. I would like him to be there the first time I get to really see my girls. So they woke him up, and he and I went down to the NICU to see Ana and Emily. When I got in there, the girls were all the way on opposite sides of the room. I went to see Emily first, and she was no longer on oxygen and was so darling. I was in love. I did feel so terrible seeing wires and IV’s all over the place, and once again felt the overwhelming sense of failure that I could not have kept her in my womb so she did not have to have all the mess she was in now. I then went and saw Ana, and she was so very small and she also had all the wires and IV as well. Seeing her once again sparked my guilt again. I was having so many feelings it was all a bit overwhelming. Overwhelming love, and fear for my babies along with the guilt.
Then I went back to my room, and continued to visit the girls every 3 hours to be able to try to nurse. Then I found out that they were going to let the girls out of the NICU and move them up into a private room in Pediatrics. They also discharged me early so I could go up and be with the girls.