6 months…I can hardly believe that my girls are halfway to 1 year. It seems like so much has happened in such a short amount of time. Then there are other things that it seemed like it took forever.
One of the twin mommies on my facebook group commented that she had made it breastfeeding twins for 6 months, (Her and I had our twin girls on the same day, almost at the same time…) As I was reading her post (I admit it, I was doing this while I was driving…I was at a red light!) I realized that I had made it breastfeeding twins for 6 months as well. As I realized this, I started to cry. For those of you who personally know me, you know that this is not usual for me. But this journey of breastfeeding preemie twins has been a very long very hard emotional road.
As I am crying trying to drive to work, I realize that I have forgotten a major part of my pumping supplies. I am at this point 5 minutes from work, but I turn around and head home knowing that I will not make it without those items.
I get home get my parts, and head back to work. ( it is a nice 30 minutes from my house to work, and so I waste an hour doing this) All the while, I am still tearing up. I don’t know why I am so emotional about this whole breastfeeding thing, but I am.
It has been very hard for me, and I could have quit so many times and no one would have even said much about it. They would have congratulated me on however long I made it. With twins and working full time.
But I made myself a personal goal to make it 6 months, and I think I was so emotional because I MADE IT!!! Not as long as the books say I should, or the Internet, my family, my friends, but as long as I told myself I needed to make it. And I am still going.
Granted, I have to supplement to keep them from starving and my hard earned freezer stash is almost depleted, but my girls have gotten breast milk from day 1 and it was hard and I freaking did it.
I know that I have put all my trials in another post on my blog, so I will not go into that, but it continues to be hard. I work a lot of hours, and if I were a good quality pumper, I would pump every three hours. That is really not possible on most days at my job. I am lucky to be able to pump every 5 or 6. Hence my depleting stash.
So my Boss asks me today just how much longer I plan to breastfeed.
I was offended (I guess I am a bit sensitive about this...), and I am sure she did not mean it in a bad way.
She is actually a really good boss. But I had to bite my tongue. I told her that I did not really know. That I was going to go as long as I could. I had made it through a holiday season as a manager in a retail store, I think that January and February would be a piece of cake. So I was going to try for at least 9 months, and if I made that I would see about going to a year. I have made my personal goal, so everything after this is kudos to me and my girls.
I think that is amazing! Many, many kudos to you! I think I can relate to some of your feelings. When thinking back, even now 16 years later, I would still consider breastfeeding my first as one of the most difficult things that I have ever been through. I totally get where you are coming from. I was working part-time and going to college full-time and away from him a lot. Nursing was so very painful that I would cringe and my toes curl every time he would latch on. Then there was the cracking and bleeding. There were times I was at work and I would pump for 45 minutes and not get a drop of milk because I couldn't get a letdown and just go back to work. I ended up with mastitis at Alex's 6 week mark which led to an abcsess which had to be surgically cut open and drained. At that point I was no longer able to nurse on that side, but continued nursing on the other. The wound left was not closed, but had to heal from the inside out and had to be packed twice a day with gauze for over 2 months which was excruciatingly painful. Each time I breastfed on the other side, the wounded side would leak milk and soak through all the gauze. I finally weaned him at 6 months when I started student teaching full-time and didn't have any breaks. But, I felt very proud that I had made it 6 months breastfeeding and you should too. Of course, nursing 2 is a lot different I know, but I am sure it will stand as one of the hardest things you have done for a very long time and I congratulate you.
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